Index finger points to chivalry
Date Published to Web: 10/24/2006

And here I thought chivalry was dead.
I was convinced that silver clad knights no longer rode glistening steeds in the early morning hours, intent on crossing lances with opponents for glory, honor, and in those rare instances, the hand of a lovely maiden.
Winning honor and prestige, and the loving admiration of your peers is as simple pointing a finger -- literally.
Knave! I speaking of the chivalrous world of Finger Jousting. Where men (and women) take Mr. Pointer and thrust, parry, bob and weave in an attempt to put their index finger on the person of their opponent.
That's right, you heard me -- finger jousting!
Where a man (or woman's) honor can be won or lost, depending on one's ability to avoid sprains and dislocations, just like in the days when old England ruled the European continent.
Don't believe me? Perhaps you've never visited www.fingerjoust.com, the self-proclaimed "Home of the World Finger Jousting Federation."
The WFJF is not some fly-by-night operation, boasting a club structure and sponsoring "Majiggers" or tournaments across the land. While it would be fun to imagine these modern day knights riding up to the mall on strong horses, followed by squires and handmaidens, VW Bugs, Camry's and other four-wheeled transport will have to do. It's the image that's important here, folks.
What is finger jousting you ask? You may as well ask why night turns to day. It's all so simple, so deliciously simple.
Let the website provide illumination.
Finger jousting is a sport where two consenting players square off in an attempt to prod their opponent with their lancing (right) index finger before the opposing player can. The competitors must keep their right hands locked in an arm wrestling fashion and not use their legs or latent (left) arm in an offensive manner. The competitors are known as jousters, and the act of touching the other person's body with the index finger is known as lancing. A player can lance anywhere except the lancing (right) arm.
Jousting, lancing, honor, valor...this is a sport I can take to my bosom and relish. Already, you can feel the allure of finger jousting, can't you.
It's kind of like in the final Star Wars (No. 6) movie, where the emperor is sitting on his rotating chair announcing to Luke Skywalker that his "pitiful rebellion" is about to be crushed. Then he strokes Luke's light saber and in a gravelly, evil voice says..."You want this, don't you?"
Finger jousting, the light saber of today.
Where did it come from, you inquire further?
The origin of finger jousting is clouded under mystery. Some historians believe that the sport was founded by the ancient Israelites whom referred to it as finger spearing. The texts that support this theory are contained in the Book of Phalanges, an apocryphal manuscript that was almost included in the Bible at Nicaea. This origin theory is referred to as the pseudo history. All historians, however, can agree that finger jousting took on its modern form during the 1970s. The biggest event in the modern history of finger jousting was our organization's founding on August 1, 2005.
These are the words of one Julian R. Gluck, founder of the WFJF and current holder of the highest title at that august body, Lord of the Joust. Mr. Gluck is a visionary, a young man who sees what can be, and delivers. I'd like to say finger jousting is the fastest growing pseudo-sport in the United States and Bolivia, but that wouldn't be true. In fact, I can't say much about this endeavor outside of what I've read on the website.
But I can say I'm impressed that they are developing what they call a "hierarchy" to run the WFJF, have a code of conduct for the start of matches (including the "man hug"), during the matches and after the matches. Avoid disquieting surrounding bystanders and inanimate objects while leisure jousting. Do not engage in finger jousting matches at inappropriate settings or during inappropriate times.
It's a sport that holds its competitors accountable, holds them to a knightly standard that we've all lost track of in this day and age of instant gratification.
I have emailed Mr. Gluck and inquired when and where a tourney will be held in Oregon. I fully intend to take Mrs. Baker, our tents, servants, squires, smithy, and other castle standards to this tournament. They will sit beneath my banner and wait for my name to be called.
At that point, with fingernail trimmed to the acceptable level, I will offer the ceremonial man-hug to my opponent, address him (or her) with my steely glaze, and prepare to cross lances on the field of honor.
Chivalry isn't dead, my friends, and my hope is that it's coming to a mall near all of us soon.